Trump could do better. Instead of building a wall to keep Mexicans at bay and sending an international message that Americans are scared of a tin-pot government and a bunch of slapdash gangsters with soggy spines, the U.S. should just drive several divisions worth of "shock and awe" straight into the heart of Mexico City and take over the whole place.
Yes, the U.S. should take Manifest Destiny in a new direction and annex Mexico, finishing what we started in 1847 when we acquired what became the states of Colorado, Nevada, Utah, Arizona and part of Wyoming. This plan would make America truly great again.
Annexing Mexico worked before, but like Operation Desert Storm in 1991, we didn't go far enough. This time, if we annexed the rest of Mexico, it would solve numerous problems for the United States.
It would essentially end the power of the cartels and be a major victory in the war on drugs. Since we already know that all drugs come from Mexico, making Mexico just another U.S. state should automatically shut off both the supply and the demand for drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, heroin, coffee, cacao and chili peppers.
Also, it would put a lot of people to work. The U.S. could institute a draft, raise the number of active duty troops to a force larger than the measly 1.4 million that Ted Cruz wants. That way, young people would go straight into military service. Those who are not found fit for military service could fill all the new defense contracting positions that would be created. And the income from those new jobs would go into bolstering the economy. Then, with a unified America, we could finally get back to doing what we do best – taking over other countries.
To pay for it, we could trim the whole presidential cabinet from 15 big bureaucracies down to just one executive department: defense. So, for instance, instead of the U.S. Department of Education trying to train American kids to be little secular commie socialists, the federal government could charter a private military contractor to replace our failing public schools with military academies that exchange "reading, writing and 'rithmetic" for "regimens, regulations and rifle marksmanship," and through that, we could finally have a common core curriculum that works. If all our second-graders were required to qualify as sharpshooters on the rifle range, it would go a long way toward preserving our Second Amendment rights.
And the U.S. could also pay for the annexation of Mexico by instituting what I like to call a "spoils of war" doctrine where U.S. troops could voluntarily forfeit a month of their pay in return for being able to keep whatever they find in Mexico, except for women and children and any property already owned by U.S. manufacturers such as Ford, Hewlett-Packard, BlackBerry, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Whirlpool, GMC, etc., who have already invaded Mexico to teach Mexicans the joys of capitalism, training them to be like good, compliant American workers.
Plus, when we annex Mexico, all those manufacturers would essentially be located in America again, and we could start using the "Made in America" label like we used to.
What's more, the U.S. doesn't have to stop at just annexing Mexico. Mr. Trump has said that he wants to expand the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and "fill it with a lot of bad dudes." Imagine how many bad dudes we could put away for good if we annexed the rest of Cuba and used it as a penal colony, much as Great Britain used Australia in the late 1700s. The Cubans probably won't even mind. They would all want to come to America anyway, once they see just how exceptional we've become.
Andrew P. Evans is a retired U.S. Marine and a MidAmerica Nazarene University undergraduate student majoring in language arts secondary education. He is regularly surprised at how truth is much stranger than his attempts at satire.