This week, I found out that I did not get hired as a Resident Assistant for next year. When I was notified, I was shocked, disappointed, confused, and honestly heartbroken.
Those are a strange variety of emotions to feel all at once, so let me explain what led to those emotions stirring up in me.
Toward the beginning of the school year, I thought for sure that I wanted to be an RA. I already knew some of the RAs before I started going to MNU, so they told me a little bit about it and recommended that I apply. I was excited about the possibility and started praying about it the second week of school.
After months of praying, I was confident that the Lord wanted me to apply…
That confidence faded after the first RA meeting, though. After hearing about all the demands and not-so-fun aspects of the job, I thought “maybe this isn’t for me.” I began thinking that I didn’t want to do it and even started making living arrangements in Spindle with some friends for next year.
The whole time I thought I wasn’t going to apply, I felt a tiny bit of conviction, but I shrugged it off. Surely if The Lord wanted me to apply, He would place the desire in my heart to be an RA, right? Well, not necessarily. I knew He was still calling me to apply, although I was unsure if I even wanted to.
The night before applications were due, I scrambled to fill it out and get it turned in. While I was answering the short answer questions, I was reminded of the reasons why I originally wanted to be an RA.
As the application process proceeded and I was interviewed a few times, the desire in me to be an RA rose dramatically. I really wanted the position. I thought to myself, “Yes! The Lord is faithful and He has placed the desire in my heart.”
To be brutally honest, I thought for sure I was going to get the position. I was confident that The Lord wanted me to apply, and why would He want me to apply if I wasn’t going to get it?
I started thinking about how awesome it was going to be to be an RA. I was pumped to get the opportunity to cultivate community in a place that I believe in so much. I believe that God has called me to MNU to help strengthen the unity in this community, and being an RA sounded like an efficient way to do that. I even started thinking about how I wanted to decorate my hall. You could say I had RA-fever.
Although I was confident that I would get hired, I still fervently prayed that The Lord’s will would be done throughout this process. I surrendered my sophomore year to Him, telling Him that I trust Him to place me where I can best glorify Him and serve Him. I prayed for the Residential Life staff, that they would have wisdom when deciding who to hire. I must admit that although my prayers were pure, I still thought I was going to get hired. I thought I knew where God wanted me serving next year.
So, fast forward to Friday, March 13, the day that I found out I was not hired to be an RA.
It was shocking because it was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. “God, why would you tell me to apply if I wasn’t even going to get it? Surely this is a mistake.” Friends, God doesn’t make mistakes… just FYI.
It was disappointing because I had already started thinking about how fun it would be. I was looking forward to it. A lot.
I was confused because I didn’t know why God did what He did (and I still don’t). I knew, deep down, that there was a reason for this, but I didn’t even want to know what it was. I didn’t want to make sense of it. I just wanted to know WHY.
I was heartbroken because I put so many emotions into the process. I truly believed that I would have made a great RA. I truly believed that this was an opportunity to be a leader on this campus. I wanted to influence MNU in a positive way, and I thought being an RA was the best way to do that. My heart was hurting pretty badly that afternoon.
It’s been a little over 24 hours since I found out and God has worked through this situation so much already. After a few hours of letting myself be upset and grieve the news, I decided to lean and pray like crazy. I desperately needed to feel Jesus… to know that He had this all figured out.
He does have it all figured out, even though I don’t yet. There are already opportunities that are coming up next year (keeping them confidential until they are official… can’t wait to share them with you guys!). I also made living arrangements in Spindle with some amazing girls. They are going to bless me in marvelous ways next year, I can feel it already.
I feel so good about next year. I feel so good about not getting the RA position. The only reason I can confidently say those things is because Jesus Christ is REAL. He’s always faithful and good. He knows better than we do.
I am beyond excited for the RAs that got hired for next year. I love them all and know they are going to do amazingly. I believe that The Lord has placed them in those positions because they will have positive, meaningful influence on their residents. A sincere congratulations from me!
So, to wrap this novel up… when you don’t get what you want, don’t fret. It’s not about you anyway (it’s about givin’ glory to the One we’re livin’ for, y’all).